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Margaret Paul
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Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child Paperback – June 5, 1992

by Margaret Paul (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 730 ratings
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Inner bonding is the process of connecting our adult thoughts with our instinctual, gut feelings—the feelings of the "inner child"—so that we can minimize painful conflict within ourselves. Free of inner conflict, we feel peaceful, open to joy, and open to giving and receiving love.

Margaret Paul, coauthor of Healing Your Aloneness, explores how abandonment of the inner child leads to increasingly negative and destructive feelings of low self-worth, codepenclence, addiction, shame, powerlessness, and withdrawal from relationships. Her breakthrough inner bonding process teaches us to heal past wounds through reparenting and clearly demonstrates how we can learn to parent in the present. Real-life examples illustrate the dynamics of the healing process and show the benefits we can expect in every facet of our lives and in all our relationships.

Inner Bonding provides the tools we need to forge and maintain the inner unity that makes our family, sexual, work, and social relationships productive, honest, and joyful.

Previous page
  1. Print length
    240 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    HarperOne
  4. Publication date
    June 5, 1992
  5. Dimensions
    6.12 x 0.6 x 9.25 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0062507109
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0062507105
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

This work teaches us to connect our inner adult (logical conscious mind) with our inner child (instinctual or gut feelings) so that we may live conflict-free lives. Paul has worked extensively with this form of psychotherapy, which she calls inner bonding, and is the author of several books on the subject. Through loving behavior and acknowledgment of that "voice" within ourselves, the author claims that we can satisfy our own needs and not be totally dependent on others for happiness. She gives examples through her counseling work with those who want better family, marital, social, and work relationships and encourages outside help for special problems such as alcoholism, sex addiction, and codependency. This is a very helpful book for both individuals and couples who want to learn how to acknowledge their inner needs and address fears and false beliefs that often stem from childhood. Recommended for large self-help and therapy collections.
- Demetria A. Harvin, "Hospital Medicine," New York
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"A surprisingly powerful process! It teaches us to meet our innermost needs." GERALD G. JAMPOLSKY, M.D., author of Love Is Letting Go of Fear

"The system .... discussed in this book will supply you with the most loving, dependable, supportive friend youll ever haveyourself. What a joy to know youre not alone anymore." LINDSAY WAGNER, actress and co-author of The High Road to Health

"A wake-up call to the most exciting miracle of the universe: your life." PETER AND LYNDA GUBER, film producers

"Inner Bonding is a powerful book for anyone interested in quality relationships. It offers practical tools, not just theory, to help us reach inside and heal those deep problems and addictions that have held us back for so many years." THOMAS CRUM, author of The Magic of Conflict

"Inner Bonding is a welcome addition...... It gives us a pragmatic, solution-oriented framework for resolving inner conflict." -STEPHANIE COVINGTON, PH.D., clinical consultant and author of Awakening Your Sexuality -- Endorsements

"Margaret Paul offers us a simple and very effective tool for healing our inner upsets and quieting the confusion in our minds. I recommend that you use this valuable tool daily on your path to wholeness." SUSAN JEFFERS, PH.D., Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and Dare to Connect

"This special book will be deeply appreciated by anyone wishing to heal, love, and grow. Every page has valuable insights and strategies to enrich your life and all your relationships. Reading this book is a healing experience." -HAROLD H. BLOOMFIELD, M.D., author of Making Peace with Your Parents and Making Peace with Yourself -- Endorsements

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ HarperOne; First Edition (June 5, 1992)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062507109
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062507105
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.12 x 0.6 x 9.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 730 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Margaret Paul

    Margaret Paul

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    DR. MARGARET PAUL is a bestselling author, popular MindBodyGreen writer and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® self-healing process, and the related SelfQuest® self-healing online program - recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. She has appeared on numerous radio and television shows (including Oprah). Her book titles include "Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You" (and subsequent titles "Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By God", and "...By My Kids"), "Healing Your Aloneness" and "Inner Bonding", and the recently published, "Diet For Divine Connection" and "The Inner Bonding Workbook." Margaret holds a PhD in psychology, is a relationship expert, public speaker, consultant and artist. She has successfully worked with thousands and taught classes and seminars for over 50 years. Go to http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome for a free Inner Bonding course and join Dr. Margaret for her "Love Yourself" Course at http://www.innerbonding.com/show-page/224/love-yourself-a-30-day-inner-bonding-experience.html.

    Margaret lives in Colorado. She has three children and three grandchildren. In her spare time, she loves to play with her grandchildren, paint, ride her horse, read, make pottery and kayak.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Margaret Paul

    Margaret Paul

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
730 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Lorien Nemec
5.0 out of 5 stars If everyone in the world read this book...
Reviewed in the United States on October 4, 2017
Verified Purchase
...we would have the means to create real and lasting peace. Because we experience the world as we are, the way we relate to the world will be a direct reflection of the way we relate to ourselves. This book offers a framework within which we can relate to ourselves and others in an authentic, healthy, and empowered way. I acquired it at the advice of my Conscious Uncoupling coach as I faced the dark abyss of divorce from my husband of eight years. Every possible feeling of abandonement and worthlessness surfaced, and in spite of the urge to protect myself by getting angry and blaming everything on him, I dove deep inside of myself and discovered the ways in which I had implicitly agreed to be treated in the ways he was treating me...because they were mirroring the ways I was treating myself! After making that mind-blowing discovery, I committed to connecting with and prioritizing the happiness of my inner child, who was feeling worthless and abandoned by me. Once I began putting her needs first, listening to her input and taking loving action on her behalf, I started noticing some pretty significant positive shifts in the ways I was relating to the people in my life. I'd like to say that everything worked out with my husband, but that's not the case. We're still getting a divorce, but I see this as a chance to move on from my old paradigm and into a healthy new one, where I can give and receive the love I deserve. Now just imagine if all of the world leaders did this kind of work, instead of allowing their inner toddlers to run the show. It's up to us to step up and be leaders in our homes, peer groups and communities by taking on the responsibility to be there for ourselves and make sure that our needs are getting met--not at the expense of, but in concert with, those around us. If just a few of us step up, it can make a huge difference in the world. Get the book, do the work, and experience real and lasting peace, happiness and freedom in your life! I believe in you!
93 people found this helpful
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Azamat
5.0 out of 5 stars Best quality and content
Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2023
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Perfect book with interesting content, amazing and responsible seller, fast delivery. İ am very happy to buy from this seller. ❤️❤️❤️👍
One person found this helpful
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OwlJulie
5.0 out of 5 stars Love this book, thank you Margaret Paul.
Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2014
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This is a sequel to Healing Your Aloneness. It really could have been added onto the first book and re-published that way. It is very helpful to learn about the inner child dialogue process between the adult and child inside your head. There are many more helpful diagrams in this book than there was in the first book. This book is not just a review of the first book, it is much more than that. It in many ways explains the concept more clearly, with stronger (if lesser) examples. This book is written loudly and clearly, whereas the first book had some ideas that weren't explained as well as they are in this one. This book is for those who want to do serious work on themselves, for those in recovery from addictions, from codependency, from addictive relationships, overeating etc. But it is also for anyone who, as the previous book's title states, is lonely and doesnt know why. Inner Bonding is the solution to loneliness because it teaches me to be there for myself. This book is also spiritual, in that it reaches down to a deep level and transforms my life, daily. It teaches an inner habit. Truly an amazing habit and practice.
I should warn you that God is mentioned in this book as part of this process that is needed. If you read the first book, a 'higher power' is mentioned in that book. It is helpful to believe in some sort of higher intelligence to do this process, and one does not have to actually believe in God for it.
78 people found this helpful
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carisse young
5.0 out of 5 stars Mind blowing
Reviewed in the United States on September 18, 2023
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Great book. Full of loving self awareness, heart/mind integration. Very helpful
4 people found this helpful
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LIZANN Jahnke
4.0 out of 5 stars Good resource
Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2024
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Good resource
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Janet
5.0 out of 5 stars Was a gift
Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2023
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Got for my daughter and she was thrilled!!
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cruz
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye opening and very helpful
Reviewed in the United States on July 4, 2023
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I really felt like I benefited so much from reading this book. It's a real eye opener and something that we should all apply in our day to day lives.
One person found this helpful
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Elizabeth
5.0 out of 5 stars Great process & examples of how to deal with relationships & self in a healthy way
Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2014
Verified Purchase
I really enjoyed this book, it's full of insight and practical examples on how to regain and maintain your emotional independence and stay in touch with your feelings at all times. I definitely recommend this book.

However, there a couple of points to consider.

Author has a strong spiritual view on things, which feels very new age at time. It comes in the Step 4: Dialog with the "Higher Power" or "Higher Self". In her dialogues she sometimes says that a person can visualize Higher Power as "someone within" rather than "someone without". However she also states "We have to reach within our Child and without to a Higher Source... to find the whole truth for ourselves". For people who are not spiritual or have been hurt by religion this can be a major detractor, unless it's redefined solely as "Higher Self" or something similar. Personally, for me this is not a sticking point.

Author does state that we are at all times only one person, however, most of the book focuses on dialoguing with the "Inner Child". I definitely see that this approach might not work for some people where fragmentation is an issue. Jean Jenson in 'Reclaim your life' recommends a similar approach however, she underlines the unity of a person to a greater degree and separates out the consciousness to child & adult.
8 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Akdemir
5.0 out of 5 stars must read
Reviewed in Canada on September 6, 2021
Verified Purchase
As a skeptic of self-help books, I totally recommend this book. A must read: it can be even more helpful than therapy. I would also recommend reading "Attached", from a different author, that has a similar method and understanding of looking inwards. Highly recommended for whomever who is willing to go deeper and do some painful inner work in order not to be afraid of feeling whatever we have to feel.
One person found this helpful
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future blonde
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpfull
Reviewed in Germany on September 22, 2021
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Her understanding of how to overcome hurtful life events is profound. Her exercises are very helpful.
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Esme
5.0 out of 5 stars great book
Reviewed in Japan on April 11, 2018
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great method for looking within and validating and loving the self
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Priya Florence Shah
5.0 out of 5 stars Deep Inner-Child Work and Healing
Reviewed in India on April 8, 2015
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If you want to learn how to heal your wounded self, do some deep inner-child work and learn to meet your own emotional needs, this book is essential reading. It helped me become more grounded, emotionally independent and taught me how to meet my own needs for love and acceptance. If you find yourself being clingy or stuck in codependent, abusive relationships that you can't seem to leave even though you know they're bad for you, please read this book and do the work required to heal your wounded inner-child.
6 people found this helpful
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crispd
5.0 out of 5 stars do not hesitate !
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 18, 2012
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This is an absolutely fantastic book. If you have even the slightest belief that it could be useful to you or someone you know, then please buy it immediately ! I have read 100's of books with a self help or similar slant and I have never read one that even comes close to matching this for real, constructive information and methods that actually work.

Personally, i had no prior knowledge of the topic, so perhaps it has made a bigger impact for that reason. If you've read other books on precisely this topic, I couldn't really judge if this might be better or worse. However, if you have never read a book on this topic, please read this one. It helps with every area of life in terms of relationships with self and all others - spouse, children, parents , colleagues . I find it hard to imagine anyone who approaches this material with an open mind being anything other than truly grateful to have discovered this certain gem !
15 people found this helpful
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